


I Was Wondering...

by trilliath



Series: Priority: Happily Ever After [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Bottom!Shepard, First Time, Love, M/M, Top!Kaidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:30:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trilliath/pseuds/trilliath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From Kinkmeme Prompt:</p><p>So ManShep has never bottomed before. Maybe he's never been with another guy until Kaidan, maybe he has been with other guys but was always the top. Whatever the reason, I want to see ManShep asking Kaidan to take his virginity. </p><p>I'm thinking this isn't the first time they've had sex, just the first time Kaidan tops. Bonus points for Kaidan being all gentle and attentive, whispering to Shepard how in love he is, how good he makes him feel, etc.<br/>http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/4309.html?thread=9087445#t9087445<br/>_________________________</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Was Wondering...

To Kaidan's surprise, Shepard is still wearing his pants, and still sitting on the bed a few feet away. Usually his pseudo-striptease as he bends over to slide down his pants and underwear has John up in force, groping his ass before the cloth hits the floor, grinning at him as they wrestle each other into nudity and hot kisses and stroking hands.  
And usually it doesn't take long for him to be sprawled in some direction or another with the commander's hard cock pushing into him, filling him in such a perfect match. Often fucking him desperately till they both shatter, ending in a tangled pile of limbs and sweat and smiles. And sometimes Shepard takes him tenderly, with aching slowness and deep kisses that make his heart ache and his body tremble as John buries himself in his body.

He doesn't think he'll ever tire of it.

But the distant look on John's face has him worried for a moment that he might be the only one.

He bunches up the fabric in his hands a moment in a hesitant gesture, naked, gazing at Shepard, who is fiddling ever so slightly with the snap on his cargo-pocket, not looking at him.

Letting the garment fall to the floor, he kneels back down on the bed beside him, sliding close. He lets his chin come to rest on the thick arc of muscle that joins John's shoulder to his neck and back. John turns his head to him and glances at him with a brief flick of his eyes. His broad, scarred hand comes up to touch Kaidan's where it rests on his knee.

"Hey," he says quietly. 

"Hey," comes the reply.

He doesn't ask if something's up. It's clear something is. 

They both know each other knows. It's something that had been growing more apparent lately, that they only needed the briefest glances, the mere meeting of eyes to communicate a great deal.  
It had gotten to the point where on missions their third teammate would get frustrated with missed signals. Well, Vega and Liara anyway. Garrus and all his military experience had been with Shepard long enough he didn't need words during missions, and the others were clueless regardless since one was an android and the other an extinct and indifferent prothean.

Shepard is stroking his right hand, watching as he traces his golden skin with trailing fingers.

"I was wondering about something," he starts to say, then pauses. Kaidan is amazed to see Shepard's cheeks grow pink with a blush. 

He feels a wry smile playing across his face, and lifts his left hand to stroke reassuringly across Shepard's back. It is tense. He kisses his shoulder gently, watching him with steady eyes, warmth of love in his body.

He waits.

John blushes harder, closes his eyes. Sets his jaw the way he does when he's about to do something difficult.

"I was wondering why you never fuck me," he says, biting his lip and shooting another flickering glance over at him.

Kaidan feels the tension that had been building in his chest loosen in a rush, sighing in relief. "Is that all? You had me worried there for a minute, John," he says and smiles, nuzzling John's shoulder with his cheek. 

"I'm serious," Shepard said, frowning almost.

"Ok. Let's be serious then," Kaidan says, sitting up a little and tilting his head to the side as he gives serious thought to the question. John resumes his nervous fiddling, smoothing his thumb over Kaidan's thigh in slow circles.

"I think there might be a couple reasons," Kaidan says eventually.

John darts a look up at him.

"First off, we're usually too busy throwing ourselves at each other and having _amazing_ sex to think about the details of our choices," he says, head cocked. He purses his lips briefly rolling the idea in his head, "I think we just do what comes easiest. And," he adds, bumping him playfully with his shoulder, "you are handsy as all _hell_ with my ass,"  
John glances at him, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features.  
"I _love it_ ," Kaidan reassures with a smirk, absently kneading the tense muscle under his hands. John sends him a wry smile in return.  
  
"Second thing is, you've never asked," he says carefully, because he _had_ noticed that fact. Nor had he done anything about it, because part of him had always felt so amazed that Shepard had opened his heart and his bed to him that he felt unwilling to make any demands of his own. He was starting to realize that was actually doing John a disservice.  
"And neither have I. But I'm pretty sure that's because I'm too busy begging _you_ to fuck _me_ every time we're intimate," he adds with a wry grin. "I must not be letting you get a word in edgewise."

Shepard looks at him with unfathomable eyes, perhaps a compound expression of love and lust and hesitation and agreement. Kaidan brushes a thumb over his cheekbone, trails it down his spine to settle at his waist.

"And finally, though I'm not as sure about this one," he says, tilting his head to see Shepard's eyes acknowledge his little shrug, "is that I don't think you've done it before, that you're not sure you know _how_ to, not really. I think you've always been a top," he says. He knows Shepard hadn't exactly had an easy time growing up. No stolen kisses and romantic walks by the Vancouver bay in _his_ memories. Perhaps even… well. He slips his hand into Shepard's briefly, squeezing his palm as he says, "Probably for some good reasons." 

Shepard's eyes meet his, exchanging information silently.  
Ah, right on the money then. 

"So it's not because…," Shepard begins to say, then looks away, clearing his throat. 

"Because?" Kaidan eventually prompts.

Shepard blushes again. Kaidan, who was more knowledgeable about and experienced with _things gay_ always says the words far more easily. It still amazes him that this man, who head-butted Krogans, stopped Saren, shouted down the three-centuries long Geth-Quarian war, and fucked him sideways most nights, could blush when faced with asking for something different from his lover.

"Is that something you'd like to try?" Kaidan asks softly.

John clears his throat, drawing in a breath that sounds like repressed arousal.  
Then he looks over at him with carefully neutral features. But Kaidan knows him too well to miss the wistful flicker in his eyes when he says, "I mean… yeah. Maybe, if you would want to. Only if you..."  
He sighs in frustration at himself, strokes his hand in a slow circle around Kaidan's knee again, mustering courage before he looks up at him firmly and asks, "Yes. Would you?" 

In response Kaidan pins him with a look, with raised brow and wry pursed lips.  
"What do you think, Shepard?" he murmurs low and sensual, though his face has clearly stated what he thinks of that. But because clarity is important here, he adds "Yes, very much so."

John finally smiles back at him at that, sighing in relief. "Ok. Ok good," he says, eyes lighting up a bit as he gazes over at his lover, lifting a hand to touch his jaw with a brush of calloused fingers. He licks his lips faintly, tilting his head slightly as he studies Kaidan's face.  
Slowly he adds, "So… how about… now?"

"Now… works for me," Kaidan replies, voice rich with anticipation, smiling slowly, sensually. Never moving his eyes from John's gaze, he presses a kiss to John's shoulder, then opens his mouth and takes a playful nip of firm muscle.

Shepard's eyes go deep with desire and he reaches for Kaidan, finally sliding his beautifully battle-worn hands over the bared planes of his golden skin. He touches his collar bone, tracing the line down the dip between his pecs, splaying his fingers over Kaidan's taut pink nipples. Kaidan purrs low in his throat when John's hands brush over his half-hard cock. 

In response Kaidan reaches down to un-hook Shepard's trousers, pushing at the fabric till Shepard steps back to kick the material off his legs. Finally naked, Kaidan snags his hand and tugs him back over with a grin, reaching for him. John comes, kneeling on the bed next to him with excited and nervous features. Really nervous, Kaidan realizes. 

"You know how much I love you, don't you?" Kaidan asks, rising to his own knees and cupping his jaw, studying his eyes. He sees his pupils dilate at the words, sees the curve of a smile in his eyes. 

He kisses him then, slowly, gently, slipping his hands up John's back to hold him against him. Their bodies wrap tight together, strong arms binding themselves to each other in a deep hug.

They just hold each other for a while, lips touching softly in tiny brushing kisses. 

Eventually, Kaidan starts sliding his hands lower, till he's smoothing his palm over the curve of Shepard's ass. Gently, he wraps his hand into the dip between the cheeks, stroking his fingers over the puckered opening. John breaks their kiss and lets out a tense breath, tipping his head down to rest his forehead on Kaidan's shoulder. 

"I want you so badly, you know," Kaidan says quietly, kissing his neck as he strokes his fingers back and forth. John doesn't reply, but his breathing is coming shorter and faster than usual against Kaidan's neck.

Taking one of John's hands in his he presses the palm against his abs and guides it, stroking it down to close over his erection. "Do you feel how much I need you?" 

John nods against his shoulder, fingers circling his cock, tracing an idle pattern on his taut skin.  
"Good," he murmurs, nuzzling his neck and throat gently as he strokes his ass. He presses a firm kiss to John's cheek and lets his hand come back up.

"Lay back," Kaidan says, pushing him down with gentle but firm hands at his waist. John does so, shifting his hips and laying back onto the soft bedding, looking up at him with fathomless eyes. Kaidan just kneels there for a moment, drinking in the sight of his lover laid out on their bed, lines and curves of his body, the gentle swelling of his ribs as he breathes in and out, the way he watches back with steady eyes. 

Kaidan smiles slowly, shaking his head slightly in amazement. "Shepard, you just… you take my breath away," he says.  
John nearly blushes again at that as he smiles back at him. Kaidan traces fingers over the long lines of scars that blanket his lover's body. 

Gently but firmly he massages his tense muscles gliding the tension out of him in long strokes. It was something he'd have to remember to do more often - if he could get John to lay still long enough. Because the way John is finally relaxing, becoming pliant under his hands, is a rare sight indeed.  
Well, mostly relaxing. His cock was laying against his thigh, long and firm. Eventually, wanting return more directly to the matter at hand, Kaidan strokes this part of him too. John smiles at him and lets out a pleased sound.

He crawls over him to tug open the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lubricant. He stays propped up on his arms a moment, looking down into John's upturned face. They read love and desire in each other's eyes, confidence and nerves. He dips his head to kiss his lover for a long moment, then lifts his head with a smirk. He hopes John can see the excitement in his eyes, because he sure as hell is feeling it.

Kaidan sits back on his haunches, nudging John's legs apart with his own. Instantly he can see the tension rocket up in John's body. He bites his lip, looking embarrassed. Kaidan just waits patiently, kneading the muscles of his thighs, till John's stress eases back down. 

Oh it might have been easier - for both of them - to just bend John over something so he could hide his face and get it over with. But neither of them had ever been ones to go the easy route, and neither of them would probably truly have enjoyed it in the end. 

Slowly, smearing a little of the gel on his fingers, he reaches up to stroke Shepard's cock, hoping to drain some of the tension that is clear in the rigid lines of his abs and shoulders with the familiar act. John watches his motions, hands spreading slowly out at his sides to dig into the fluffy coverlet.  
Eventually his head falls back and he lets out a low sigh of pleasure. Kaidan starts sliding one of his hands lower, to encircle the round shapes of his balls, cupping them, stroking them. Then he strokes the tender skin between John's tight opening and cock. He sees tension pulse through his body, but it is not resistance.

Slicking more lubricant onto his fingers, he resumes his motions, then slides lower till his finger is tracing around the tight circle of John's ass. But touch isn't going to be enough, he realizes. John needs his words too.  
"You don't know it yet, John," Kaidan says, shaking his head slightly, "but this is going to feel so good. You have no idea."

He can see the look in John's eyes flicker ever closer to lust and away from nerves when he speaks.  
"You're going to love feeling me inside you, of taking part of me and making it a part of you," Kaidan tells him, voice holding an irresistible tone as he puts his memories and emotions behind his words. Gently he pushes his middle finger in against John's tight opening, slickened finger sliding easily past the tight band of muscle. 

Shepard lets out a soft sound, and Kaidan looks up at his face. But John's eyes are closed and shoulders are relaxed back. With a grin, Kaidan presses his finger deeper into Shepard, watching appreciatively the way his head rolls against the soft fabric as his breath hitches. 

"Whatever you've imagined, it's not even going to come close," he says with an assured tone to his voice as he pumps his finger deeper, swirling against the smooth heat of his lover's body. He moves his hand slowly but steadily, stroking the most sensitive places inside him. John is breathing unevenly, breath hitching as Kaidan elicits new sensations with each stroke.

"I want you to feel how I feel when you fuck me," Kaidan murmurs, pressing a second finger into him, slick with lubricant. "I want you to feel full and tight and opened up." 

John moans, fingers curling into the sheets beside him. Kaidan moves his hand firmly, sliding into him with precise movements designed for maximum sensation. With his free hand he uncaps the lubricant again and drizzles it onto his own erection, stroking his hand around to coat himself thoroughly.

"Because when you're inside me, it's the most amazing feeling."

Setting the bottle aside he pushes his fingers deep and leans forward on the bed so he can look up into Shepard's face. His features resolve into the secret smile that is reserved only for his lover.

"So I _know_ that when I'm inside you, you are going feel, more deeply than you ever have before, just exactly how much I need you," he says, voice full with reverent love and desire. 

"And John?" he adds, as Shepard's eyes crack open and he looks down towards him.  
"I need you more than anything in this universe."

Their eyes meet.  
He doesn't ask if John is ready.  
John doesn't tell him that he is.  
They don't have to. They can see it in each other's eyes.

He guides the head of his erection to where his fingers are buried in John's body. He slips them back, replaces them with the tip of his cock. Then Kaidan presses himself forward, slowly, steadily into his lover. John is shuddering, eyes heavy with sensation and need, hands fisted in the sheets beside him. Kaidan leans down, presses a kiss to John's lips, his cheek, the hollow of his throat.

"God, Shepard, you feel so… perfect," Kaidan murmurs in John's ear, pressing even deeper. Shepard moans in reply, turning his head so that his breaths are coming short and shallow against Kaidan's neck, hot against his skin.

Finally he is fully subsumed in Shepard's body. They are pressed tightly together, Shepard's cock between them. John's arms come up to stroke the sensitive skin below Kaidan's ribs. For a moment they just lay there, looking into each other's eyes, breathing each other's breaths, lips brushing slightly as they savor their closeness. 

"This is amazing," he whispers, "you are amazing."

Though his body begs him to move, to thrust, he waits, letting John adjust to his size. To distract himself from the hot tight pressure around his cock, he traces the curve of Shepard's ear with his tongue, nips at his throat. Soon he feels John's hands tighten around his waist, hears the low murmur in his throat and he takes his cue. Slowly he draws back, watching the way John's features pull in pleasure at the exquisite friction. The way his face looks is so erotic Kaidan has to pause a moment, hands fisting in the sheets as he struggles for control. Slowly, he drives forward again and John moans, chest contracting. On a second tightly controlled withdraw and thrust, Kaidan moans faintly. 

John's eyes snap open and he latches on to Kaidan's gaze.  
"More," he demands.

Kaidan is happy to oblige. He rises up a little on his arms and begins a steady thrusting pace. Shepard sighs in appreciation, head rocking back as he adjusts to the sensations. As Kaidan strokes into his lover the rolling contraction of his muscles in his abdomen brushes him against Shepard's lube-slickened cock, leaving smears of shiny liquid on his skin. 

John tips his head down to watch Kaidan thrust into him. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are bright. He bites his lip as Kaidan rolls his hips so that his body strokes Shepard's cock again, grinning down at him. Shepard grins back and lifts his hands to stroke over Kaidan's body, gripping and kneading golden skin. Battle-scarred fingers tease at his nipples, trace the planes of his hard-won muscles, stroke up to touch his neck and face. He slides a thumb over Kaidan's lips, who then presses those lips to his palm, nuzzling his lover's hand as he fucks into him.

"This feels so good, John," Kaidan says, shoulders taut as his head dips to watch as well. "So damned good."  
He thrusts in firm long strokes into his lover's body, sinking himself deep each time. His breathing is growing more ragged as his focus on John's pleasure is steadily being overwhelmed with sensation.

"Yes," Shepard moans, rocking his hips slightly. "Harder," he adds, fingers digging into Kaidan's ribs. Kaidan has been trying to keep things gentle, but he's steadily losing the battle. Plus… Shepard was nothing if not tough, and was most often like a raging fire in bed, refusing to be quenched. That heat was clearly spreading through him now, and Kaidan would only ever do everything he could to please him.

Kaidan shifts his weight for more leverage, plunging in hard fast strokes. John's head is tipped back against the fabric on a moan. The friction is exquisite, excruciating. Kaidan's eyes are drawn to his lover's face, flushed with heat and arousal, breathing with short breathless gasps.  
Shepard slips a hand between them to fist around his own pulsing erection. Kaidan moans as he watches Shepard touch himself. He pulls on his cock with rough strokes, back arching into it, chest heaving. 

Kaidan loses any last vestige of control he had been clinging to when John moans low and rough and then starts cursing incoherently. He slams into John far harder than he intended, groaning and driving rougher and deeper with each thrust.  
"Hnn," he moans, biting his lip against the overwhelming swell of sensation as he plunges into his lover with all his strength.

"Kaidan!" Shepard cries out, bowing up off the bed in a jerk. His body clamps down around Kaidan. He shakes, cock erupting in his hands, spilling his cum between them.  
It is more than Kaidan can take.  
He drives home.

The sensation is like a flashbang-grenade, exploding too close. There is ringing in his ears as he struggles to keep balanced on his hands. His body spasms and he gasps a wanton breath as he spills himself deep inside the love of his life for the first time. His vision feels whited-out as he pants through his orgasm. 

Eventually, slowly he blinks clear the sensation and looks down at John who is watching him with this ridiculous grin, cheeks still hot with pleasure, sweat beaded on his brow. Kaidan feels a blush coming across his cheeks.

"Oh hell Kaidan, your face right now?" he says, reaching up a hand to stroke a trail of sweat on his temple. He rises up on his elbows and arches his head up to kiss Kaidan, capturing his lips with aching slowness. "Thank you," he says quietly.  
Kaidan grins and pecks his lips again with another kiss before he slips back to ease his wearying arms and rolls over to lay beside Shepard sprawled out on the bed.  
He breathes a contented breath and reaches his hand over to lace their fingers together. They lay still, just breathing in sync, looking up out the skylight into the blueshift emissions and stars. John turns his head and nuzzles it in close against Kaidan's shoulder.

"I love you," Shepard says quietly.  
Kaidan looks down at him, brushes a thumb over his cheekbone.  
"More than anything," Kaidan replies. 

They stargaze for a while, holding hands. No, there had been no romantic walks by the Bay for Shepard. But this, gazing up at the starlit galaxy together, was perhaps better. And _this_ wasn't history. It was now, and it was the future. 

Eventually Kaidan smiles, reaching over to nudge John's calf with his foot.  
"So… any other things you've been wondering about?" Kaidan teases.  
Shepard laughs, low and soft. "Mmm," he says, voice rich with amusement. "Might be."  
When Kaidan raises a brow and tips his head over to grin at his lover he sees a mischievous smirk on John's face. He looks back at him with hot eyes.

"Now that you mention it…"


End file.
